My thoughts on Morality, Reverence, and Free Speech

It's sad to realize that sometimes freedom of speech is not freedom. Sometimes it represents oppression and hopelessness. Sometimes it protects the ugliest of human expression, and emboldens those that use it to their advantage, and we are forced to stand in dismay. 

Apparently you cannot reconcile freedom of speech with moral character, for in a really truly democratic society moral character should not have to be defended at all.  So, we create laws to protect morality, so we believe, but we end up having a protection that violates what we created it for in the first place. Thus, laws are flawed. Thus, laws are used and interpreted depending on motives. Thus, laws are used and manipulated by moneyed interests. Thus, laws should never be used as absolutes. Absolutes create lack of freedom.

There are no absolutes in any law. But, when law and morality are used together you have hope for a just system. Not perfect in any manner, but overall well serving to the community.  This, I believe, is what we thought we had. Clearly, we are waking up, delirious, from a bad dream.

One day, after a Trump supporting murderer kills journalists, in what most likely was an action brought about by our president, I drove by a gun shop that had a huge Trump flag posted on the entire right wall of their store. I live in the north in a very liberal town. This was the day after the shooting.  

The first amendment, the law, protects this owners right to be an asshole on a day when he should be flying the American flag at half mast, to represent reverence for life. Instead, he, what I must assume is a white male, sticks the middle finger to the American flag, to the American Constitution, all in the name of defiance against reverence.  There is nothing honorable or patriotic about what's happening to this country right now. I know what patriotism is, and this is spitting in it's face.  No freedom.

This would have never happened prior to this administration. The boldness and defiance of right wing conservatism is fed by this administration and we shall all suffer for it. All in the name of a freedom I do not recognize. Freedom of speech that will protect the ugliness that will come. And it will come, make no mistake.  Will we be left prostate? 

The price of protecting freedom of speech sometimes is a loss of moral character,  and those who don't have moral character know that well.  They use it to their advantage. We are coming to terms with the fact that we cannot police moral character.  Matter of fact, many police squash your freedom of speech because you fear that your life will be in danger.  You must suppress your freedom to survive. This is the frightening reality for a very large portion of the population. This is tyranny which squashes freedom.

We felt this country was founded on the principle of moral character, only to discover that history is not that kind.  We are still grappling with what that means. It will prove our greatest struggle.  I am aware as never before that I do not trust my fellow human anymore.  This is a travesty of spirit.

I clearly don't have all the answers. But, I do know, for myself, this is the most important fight ahead of us. How do you define our moral character without religious zealots deciding for us? How do we define freedom FROM religion?  After all, this clearly was the intention of our founders. Separation of church and state. That is at stake now.

 Law and religion are very similar. Thus, religion is flawed. Thus, religion should never be used as absolute. There are no absolutes in any religion.  Religion has not gained our trust. Religion has, throughout time, represented oppression more often than it has stood against oppression.  This is important now because religious zealots want to change law to represent their beliefs. If you truly study history you will realize this mission is in direct conflict with what created our constitution in the first place.  We did fight England for our independence, but we also decided who we were going to be going forward as a nation. Considering separating our laws from the church was no small consideration.  I have to believe it was one of the most important parts of who we were desirous to become.

I am not an atheist. You can believe in God, and faith, and still  have the highest moral character, while questioning what place it has in government and law. For me, I believe my country was founded on protecting and valuing my freedom of choice.  My responsibility to my country is to validate this by my moral character. Religion, where I use it or not, is part of my choice, not to be regulated or mixed with my country's responsibility to protect my choice.  This is the America I believe in, the America we all deserve to value and protect, with the ultmost reverence and dignity.  Trump represents everything we are not.   

How can I celebrate Father's Day?

I'm a father, and a damn good one.  Some of that comes from having a screwed up family life.  My father was 18 when I was born and never in my life.  I met him for the first time about 10 years ago.  For a while things went pretty well.  What I learned from this past 10 years, biology does not make a father or parent.  I was an adult, so he viewed my life as set, and he could just be my distant friend, absolved of any responsibly.

While it didn't work out as I had hoped, my appreciation for a man who was not biologically related to me, by family standards was my step-grandfather, treated me from day one as his child.  It's probably why I adored him so much as a child, even though we would have a very turbulent ending to our relationship and I never saw him again before he died, he was the only stability for me in a wildly stressful childhood.  The man above is my biological father.  Pictures are deceiving.

So, when father's day came I had mixed feeling like I do at every holiday.  I don't like holiday's as they bring up how displaced I felt at holiday gatherings.  Being a father now has helped as I just make every holiday about my child and my responsibility to him to be my best.  I know I do too much, and I worry his life will be too easy because I'm so damn afraid he will experience anything awful.  That's something I'm working on, with difficulty.

Writing and reading have been my meditation for the past 10 years, which coincides with meeting my biological father for the first time....hum....

So, today, I chose to try my best to thank the man above for his DNA, and possibly steering me into who I am because of his absence.  My mom, who was mentally ill for the majority of her adult life died in January and this man had to know because his daughter see's my posts.  I didn't receive a "sorry"text, a postcard, a call, nothing.  That's just another example of his absolved responsibility.

Speculation, gambling, and investing redefined

We find the United States of America in a conflux of repeating many aspects of our historical past.  While 19th century race, slavery, and gender inequality is my focus, I have recently been thinking about the founding of our country in more detail to make sense of our present.

This book is worthy of a read on our history of speculation and gambling from the early founding of our country to the present.  Speculation: A History of the fine line between gambling and investing by Stuart Banner.

In America:  Reflections on the birth of the United States by Gordon S. Wood, Wood asks important questions about our founders and how they obtained wealth.  "Because earning interest from loans was considered more genteel than most other moneymaking activities..."p.164. This practice had no political prejudge, federalist, southern planters, merchants..it did not matter.  This was an income source that required no real honest work.  We rarely hear of this and assume money was made by land  acquisition.  Reading Wood's book and Banner's book together would make for some great insights.

It seems, today, we see moneymaking activities of the same nature being not only used to extremes, but rewarded as a great accolade.  The crash of 2008 is a prime example of risk being taken to abhorrable degrees of moral conduct, for greed, with our country's sovereignty as collateral.  I truly believe this was the first step in degrading our value as a nation of advocacy and humanism to greed and self service.  I have always believed we were more of a country that opened itself to assist than to exclude.  That is no longer who we are and we have lost our way.

We have spent many, many years valuing money as a representation of identity, taking capitalism to it's worst extreme.  And now we are at the conflux of whether that will remain or whether we choose another path.  A path that is super scary to those who have lived in a unwritten philosophy of white male dominance without really understanding what that has meant.  For some it's just how it's always been so don't rock the boat.  Sorry, but the boat is shaking violently.

All of our founders where speculators, slave owners, male dominant overseers of land, money, and human beings.  We can admire their fortitude, but we shouldn't forget their faults.  They can still remain heroes, yet human heroes with great flaws.  It would have been very hard then to fight the status quo, but we are exactly in the same situation, being forced to choose a path with greater knowledge of past mistakes at our table.  We must believe in our fortitude.

Whether we like it our not, we have always been looked upon as charitable, even though in comparison we are the youth amongst older, more experienced countries.  We have a ripple effect.  We close our borders, the world responds.  We clamp down on how we treat the poor, the gender non-conforming, the incarceration of predominantly black poor minor crimes, and the world watches and emulates.  Former President Barack Obama was, in my view, very conservative fiscally, but equally very liberal socially.  He was the first President to ever give a speech on LGBT rights.  EVER!  And, if you listen to this speech from 2010, I believe, he gave this speech as if it were just an everyday right thing to do.  It was who we were, or at minimum who we should become!!  I adore him for that, even if I disagreed with some of his decisions, he had my heart because he clearly showed the world who we were and it was a powerful compassionate world view that was admired by the world.  He reached his hand out in peace to so many.  For this, I have no doubt.

That is gone.  We may be able to get it back, but it's appearing to be a very difficult struggle which is depressing.  The suicide rate amongst the trans community is over 40%, the national average is between 1 and 2%.  40 frigging percent!!!!!!  When you do something as simple as say a business can discriminate against someone because of their identity, you devalue "the person".  When you are prejudge you see people as "it's", not humans.  This has got to go from the world!  When you believe no one should be protected because of their identity, you are saying you are more valuable as a human being.  That is vile, pure and simple, and just not true.  You are not more valuable if you are married.  You are not more valuable if you are white.  You are not more valuable if you are a Christian.  You are not more valuable if you are straight.  Stop it!!!

You can make money and value the person.  You can make money and show dignity in how you treat your workers, your assistants, etc.  No one becomes greater by stomping others down, yet we constantly reward those who do.  If we can figure out how to stop that in small ways the ripple will spread and we will have won so much more than money can buy.  Sorry...I'm a dreamer in capabilities that are endless.  Dreams can come true if we share the same overall dream, which I truly believe resides in everyone's heart.  Let's speculate in philanthropic human compassion, let's invest in community, then we will all be worth the gamble.

And you thought this was a post about finance, ha!

Ambiguous History: Pride + Shame = TRUTH

History books have told us that Columbus discovered America, that Manifest Destiny was desirable means to an end, and the Civil War was about state's rights.  Today we are at a crossroad where we can no longer justify the past vision of our history.  This is creating anxiety, anger, and denial from those who still cling to this old view.  They so want to believe it was conceived in righteousness and purity.  The desire for this belief isn't wrong, accepting the fact we have been deceived is the answer. How we embrace this new horizon of truth and discovery, bringing everyone along for the ride, is the question we must ask ourselves.

Correcting a path, balancing power, and repairing wrongs is the blueprint.  The details have to be worked out along the way.  Uncertainty is a word we must accept as our collective reality for a very long time.  The response to uncertainty is the difficulty, especially when pride is so dominant in our culture.  Pride is a beast unless humility is its counter balance.

Do we, as a nation, have the ability to do this?  That question will be answered very soon.  We are on a collision course with our future destiny.  Literally, these are the best of times, these are the worst of times! It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

I truly believe we have recently embraced the worst of times in handing our country over to people who have taken advantage of our vulnerability and indecision.  We have the capacity to turn the ship if we so choose.

I'm just like all of you, trying to do my best, and learn.  Here are my suggestions, please give me yours.

The options, if you choice to take them:
     READ!  Find voices that are speaking truths and presenting options.  If you feel my views speak to you, I would be happy to give recommendations on many subject levels.  I'm well read across many genres and will let you know if I don't have an answer.  I'm pretty good at finding those that do.  I'm an eternal student of history, philosophy, politics, and life.  But, it's easy these days to find anything on-line.  That is both good and bad.  It's up to you to decide where your heart lies.

    Go to the library, lectures and book signing events!  Remember, news articles are the main source of information, be it on-line, or by subscription, BUT the majority of news is soundbites.  Very little depth of information is given, thus one sidedness/black and white presentation is easiest.  This is old and antiquated!  With a bit of research you can dig deep for truths, and many times the truth is mucky and hard to distinguish the more you dig.  But, today, dig you must!  It's much easier to sit in your comfy chair and tune out.  Please, don't.  We need you!  Even if it's for 30 minutes on the weekend.

    Support intelligence!!  We are at a very high intellectual time.  Yes, we are!  There are more in-depth books, articles, pamphlets, websites, historians, philosophers, etc., producing amazing work than ever before.  THIS is why there is a backlash against critical thought.  There has been no greater time for scholars to question and obtain access to documents and research more easily than ever before.  My philanthropy, what I can afford, goes to supporting these people in every way I can.  They hold our prosperity in their hands and it's a HUGE responsibility.

    DISCUSS!  This is tough in this current climate!  I would say, pick your battles carefully, matter of fact, try to remember that just because someone says or believes something it doesn't mean it is true.  This is the hardest for me.  It's not my job to give them truth, it's my job to present questions that will make them evaluate their decisions and believes.  The best way is through example, which is the hardest because it takes loads of valuable time.  This last one here, is my most difficult learning.  I have a very hard time with this!

    Politicians say what they think you want to here!  Demand they tell you the truth or go away.  Educate yourself on topics and face off with them.  We must demand more from our taxpayer dollars.

Lastly, be passionate about what you believe in!  Yes!  Make sure you are versed in why you believe it without relying on religious dogma.  You can be very religious, but "the bible" is not an answer and it's not critical thinking AND you can still believe in it's value without using it as an answer to a discussion.

I know....preachy...can't help it 1. I have passionate beliefs
                                                  2. I descend from several ministers😄😎😎😙


     

James Baldwin's words are sickles of justice, inescapable truths profoundly stated in Historical scars of the past

Scream his name from the rooftops!  He IS that important!  His words are sickles of justice, inescapable truths profoundly stated in historical scars of the past.

Unnameable Objects, Unspeakable Crimes

"I have often wondered, and it is not a pleasant wonder, just what white Americans talk about with one another.  I wonder this because they do not, after all, seem to find very much to say to me, and I concluded long ago that they found the color of my skin inhibitory.  This color seems to operate as a most disagreeable mirror, and a great deal of one's energy is expended in reassuring white Americans that they do not see what they see.  This is utterly futile, of course, since they do see what they see.  And what they see is an appallingly oppressive and bloody history, known all over the world.  What they see is a disastrous, continuing, present, condition which menaces them, and for which they bear an inescapable responsibility.  But since, in the main, they appear to lack the energy to change this condition, they would rather not be reminded of it.  Does this mean that, in their conversations with one another, they merely make reassuring sounds?  It scarcely seems possible, and yet, on the other hand, it seems all too likely.
Whatever they bring to one another, it is certainly not freedom from guilt.
The guilt remains, more deeply rooted, more securely lodged, than the oldest of old trees; and it can be unutterably exhausting to deal with people who, with a really dazzling ingenuity, a tireless agility, are perpetually defending themselves against charges which one has not made.  One does not have to make them.  The record is there for all to read.  It resounds all over the world.  It might as well be written in the sky."
James Baldwin

I cannot read this enough.  It is emblazoned in my heart to be responsible for this history to be rewritten for the future, yet not ever forgotten.  That is the only way to heal and honor the past.

The Free and the Brave

Strong Opinion Piece

My head just wrapped around something that has been bothering me ever since our country was turned upside down by the takeover of the GOP, the election of Donald Trump, and mass shootings at schools. I will present some strong reasons why I think I have cracked the egg.

Barack Obama represented everything that would change, for the white male ego, within the conservative hierarchy of American society. Why? He showed three things that weren’t acceptable behavior by the white male. Compassion, humility, and vulnerability.

 Example one was his response to the Harvard professor’s, Henry Louis Gates, Jr., run in with the police where he was believed to be a burglar in his own home. As a black intellectual man this incident seemed ludicrous to him, and it had the capacity to escalate the race wars all over again. President Obama interceded into this volatile arena dowsing the fire with compassion for the police officer, humility instead of anger for his race, and vulnerability by reaching out his hand to both Gates and the police by having a sit down and a beer. The beer was genius, because it masked the attack on white malehood. But, it was step one.

 The conservative white malehood was on notice. His world was being attacked and he did not like it one bit. No one could really define this phenomenon, but it was a feeling rocked to its core. Example two was the school shootings under President Obama’s watch where he had the audacity to cry in front of the nation and the world. Compassion, humility, and vulnerability. Compare those speeches to President Clinton’s in 1999 on the Columbine shooting and you see male behavior change. This is important for two reasons, first we are starting to underestimate the influence the Presidential presence represents, and second this shift did not come from a white male president, it came from a black one.

 With this scenario, it’s not hard to see the rise of Donald Trump and racism. What has been his response to school shootings? Would you see emotion of any kind, other than anger? Does this represent the white conservative male ego? Hell yes! He makes them feel comfortable and back in their place of superiority.

Let’s talk guns. What does the gun represent to the conservative white male? You got it…his maleness, his member, his penis. What are you seeing today in this conservative community? Bigger guns, bigger trucks, and more blatant in your face racism by white males, eerily similar to the Jim Crow era. Now, let’s not leave out the women who stand by their men. Recently, you saw a young, pretty blond woman stand up for her right to carry at, none other than, Kent State University where the shooting of protestors during the Vietnam War happened. This is blatant, in your face, fight back for white rights. She received many marriage proposals from, you guessed it, conservative guys all a gaga. Think about it! This is clean porn for the conservative white male. She’s holding his….in adoration!

Let’s talk about aggressive police on video, let’s talk about aggressive, in your face racist attacks on immigrants. Let’s talk about black church burnings. Shall I go on…

 Aaron Schlossberg is an aha moment. This man is a conservative white male, upper crust, educated, busy NYC lawyer who has been raging all through the city verbally attacking, what he assumes are illegal immigrants. He doesn’t fit the liberal stereotype of a southern, truck owning, uneducated bigot. Everyone is shocked. I am not. I’ve been seeing this a lot recently. White males with money, privilege, and education who see their macho world changing dramatically. We have a lot going on, folks! I can guarantee you Mr. Schlossberg was probably a guy who gawked at woman openly on the streets, possibly visited strip clubs, etc. Sorry, to be stereotypical here, but many times you have no choice. The world has changed dramatically around this type of guy and they are steaming mad, but really don’t know why.

We have a problem, US citizens! Until we acknowledge what is happening, figure out a way to convince the conservative white male his world is changing for the better, not the worse, we are on a collision course for war and devastation. Anger, personified in positions of power is not a good thing! I find myself angry a lot, too, these days.

So, this is more than just about race, this is more than just about school shootings. We can stop the school shootings when we convince these guys they have a place if they understand how to change, and that our children are much more important and worth their sacrifice. We can poor water on the fire over race by addressing difficult issues of inequality, that they continue to say don’t exist. We have to find a way for them to see it. Getting the conservative voices to listen, instead of feeling attacked is key here. I CLEARY don’t have the answers for how to do that, but we must dialog and find ways to honor this country’s good and it’s ugly bad and help all to understand we cannot do good without acknowledging the evils of the past and present. There are dramatic acknowledgements of inequality that must be accepted and understood by the conservative mind or it will have closed forever.  They have a choice to adapt or attack.  Right now they are on the attack, and no ability to open up to change.

We can’t do this until we can convince everyone that the amount of “slouches” in the world is so very small and doesn’t not represent any whole (compassion, humility, and vulnerability). Punishing the poor is never a good scenario and will never validate your view of how hard you have worked to get ahead (compassion, humility, and vulnerability).  Depression is a huge deal for those that constantly face PTSD type living/survival lives because of disgustingly low wages. Their TV world never represents them anymore. That's a huge problem!  We’ve got to find a way to stop the abuse of money addiction that feeds the beasts at the top. We’ve got to find a way to show them the amazing value of thinking of others, giving back to society as a great thing to be admired(compassion, humility, and vulnerability). I know…. sounding Pollyanna here. I’m a realist, and know it’s not going to be easy and we won’t get utopia. Somehow, we have to come together and figure this out. Please…….

 I wish I had the ability of the black man who goes to KKK/racist meetings and talks to white angry men who really don’t know why they are doing what they do in anger.  Or the guy, who at a protest, embraces the angry guy on the other side and says, “I love you, man!” I wish we had the ability to raise up men like these as heroes to emulate instead of wealthy, spoiled, privileged men who have had everything given to them to help them succeed. Their success is no more surprising than the sun rising.

 Ok…time to find my flame-retardant suit!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way—in short, the period was far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only ." Charles Dickens opening of A Tale of Two Cities

Hmm....The greatness of these few sentences by Dickens is it's timelessness, and no more relevant than today. He was speaking of the French Revolution time via the two city views of Paris and London. Dickens only wrote two books of historical fiction, the other being the lesser known Barnaby Rudge, and this "history" part has been questioned by scholars.  But, this article isn't about the book.  It's about the timeless meaning in these very popular sentences through time periods.  I doubt Dickens had any idea how popular the opening words of this work would be, nor the mutability of his writings.  I have a love-hate relationship with Dickens, but I can say that with any great author I admire. Example: Michael Chabon Great authors become revered not only because of their prose, but because of their ability to engage the mind in personal meaning.

Why I chose this passage in Dickens work is it's timely resemblance to today.  I believe Dickens wrote in a time where understanding what was happening in the world by the majority did not cross the paths of the elite minority, who could disavow it's existence.  So, parallel to today under the current US administration, who have allowed a shady business man with no political experience, no moral experience, no military experience, and no common life experience, to not only come to power and be their figurehead, but to stay silent while he annihilates the global view of our entire country.  Just so they could have their conservative moral way.  If there is an Armageddon in our future, it was and is created and fueled by these religious, amoral carpetbaggers who have claimed religious piety while bleaching whiteness across their actions, cleansing their sins.

Stop and ask every church, synagogue, or any place of organized religious faith, if these values represent their moral founding/founders and you would probably find they do not.  Yet, no religious entity is strongly apposing this movement within the republican party that claims allegiance, not to the flag, but to the moral judgment they claim in the name of white religious faith. Some will claim they do, but I do not see them standing together in "moral" outrage, which is needed.  I don't expect the churches that they claim to represent will stand up and fight this.  The past has proven that religious practice does more to demonize and radicalize than it does to embrace. You do not need to belong to a church to have faith.  That statement alone makes evangelicalist cringe in horror.

It was the best of times....the Internet has exploded with many great things to offer.  The greatest being access to knowledge, access to each other, and access to our own power.  "With great power comes great responsibility" Spiderman.    We made it through what should have been dubbed a great depression without major disasters to our economy, or so it seemed.  We would find that to be a fallacy later as the economy recovered only for the 1% who regained their losses and then flourished to levels never before seen. No one is talking about the facts of wages.  Document review jobs for lawyers used to stand around $100 an hour, now they pay around $30 an hour.  UPS used to pay very decent wages for part time, exhausting, difficult manual mailing labor that helped many supplement income, and or rise above to driver, which also paid decently.  That same part time job at UPS now pays minimum wage AND requires the employee to pay for labor union dues out of their minimum wage paycheck.  Oh...they're nice enough to spread it out over a year.  They also make this very hush, hush as you have to leave your cell phone and any other metal devices out of the room where all this information is laid out for you on documents you cannot take out of the facility.  

I used to temp to fill gaps in my up and down pay as a freelance musician for years up until the early 2000's.  Temp pay today is the same, or LESS, than I was making when I stopped.  AND, I turned down tons of job offers from where I was temping.  Employers used to value an Arts education knowing that trainability was very high.  I knew many people who quit music and started on the ground being hired just on the value of knowing as an Artist they would be smart and mobile upward.  That doesn't happen anymore.  Job applications are ridiculously specific with years of experience required.  No chances taken.  And you can see how that's working out.  Many manager positions are taken with people with no real people experience.  But...I digress  **the above tyraid is my own personal experience with no concrete data analysis to back it up.  I leave that to the experts to delve into.

It was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness.. Awwh...fools aplenty!  Eradicate the fools by paying attention to the wisdom and it is tremendous!  Independent journalism like Sarah Kendzior and the Young Turks, books from every direction in history, literature, philosophy, women's studies/rights, and gender.  Authors in and out of the norm categories like Jill Lepore, Viet Thanh Nguyen, Michael Chabon, Jesmyn Ward, just to name a few.  There is no greater time to read than now, and no greater time to stop and think for yourself!  If you need a reading list just ask.


So...me being the eternal optimist pessimist, we are at a crossroads that can turn ugly or groundbreaking in it's development of personhood.  If we all decide to identify as a "person" first as our category and leave our race, gender, and religion as secondary to that powerful word of identity, we have the greatest ability to heal the world's souls through that power of identification.  We will fall time and time again, but we can be an empowered human race if we value "the person" in us all.  I mean "ALL".  No exceptions.  A murderer is a murderer who is first and foremost a person.  When we acknowledge that seemingly obvious identification we open up a lost soul to redemption and hope.  This power alone places the responsibility of life squarely on the shoulders of community where it is currently thirsting for a birth.  I'll shut up now.....

Try! Just Try!

https://twitter.com/DanielLouisDun1/status/994621357278289921

What Do You See When You Look Through Me

We, as human beings, are innately attuned to appearances.  It's hard not to make general assumptions based on what we see.  It is our nature.  How that information gets mulled over in the brain is the important part.  For many, a judgment is made, with not much being "mulled over".  This is where prejudges of all kinds live.  There is no thought beyond the judgmental reaction.  THIS is informing too many people's thoughts today.

I would surmise this is the most crucial of times to realize how this "sense" is helping or destroying us. My lens is unique in many ways, I'll stick to a few.  Being a child of southern white teenage parents, and being male certain assumptions can be made. If you met me on the street your sense of sight would inform you to make these typical assumptions.  Things that happened in my life, however, will not be available for you in this short meeting.  There are things I still can't talk about.

By the age of six my mother was remarried to a Mexican American from California.  My mother can be described best as an intellectual hippie who never found her way in the south.  My conservative grandparents were raising me, yet my Mom and step-dad were in and out of my life.  I spent many weekends and summers living with them and my younger twin sisters who were 1/2 Mexican, who never knew if they would have food to eat or whether their parents would drink what little money they had for food away.
My wife is 1/2 Vietnamese.  Born in Saigon during the turbulence of the Vietnam War.  My sister-in-law has 3 children who are 1/2 black, 1/4 Vietnamese, 1/4 American.  We have a smorgasbord of a family. I lived the first half of my life in the south and moved North to stay in the second half, where I'm likely to remain.  So who do you see?  Do you see any of this reflected in my eyes?

I have mulled over this my entire life which has informed me to be who I am.  I realize daily that this is not necessarily normal, but it's becoming more common.  I remember not being taught Spanish in the house because assimilation was the norm. My step-dad didn't speak Spanish.  I missed out, but mostly my sisters missed out on valuing their heritage.  My step-father had issues that I now look back on and ask myself how his self esteem was crushed by a devaluing of who he was, then pile that onto my sisters.  My twin sisters had a rough time of it, getting out of the poverty that my family left them to wallow in.  I was lucky, I was white.  What do you see?  Do you see this family reflected in my eyes?  Do you see the guilt I carry for them?

My wife was born in Vietnam during the war, her father an American.  Her mother was married to a man previously, with whom she had 4 children, who was not good to her (let's leave it at that).  I believe my mother-in-law sought a way out (what choices does a woman in a bad marriage with children have during a war that is ravaging your existence), but her "American" had pledged his love to another, got both of them pregnant and left for America.  He later chose to return, for the other woman and his son, only to find her married to someone else.  I guess he  felt guilty enough to find my wife and her mother and bring them back to America with him.  Once here, my wife's mother took her and ran away, which says a lot.  My mother, apparently, tried many times to whisk me away from my grandparents.  My wife doesn't even look Vietnamese.   What do you see when you look at her? Do you see her reflected in my eyes?

My nephews are 1/2 black and beautiful boys.  My little niece is gorgeous and 1/2 black.  They are all black in appearance.  What do you see when you look at them?  Do you see them reflected in my eyes?

There is more in my life that I chose not to share yet, that informs my life.  But, with this story you may get a picture of the lens for which I see through.  I am very flawed and make horrible judgments, BUT I do try to remember my lens when I see you and wonder what will reflect back at me.  Who do you see when you look at me?  Who do you see when you look in the mirror?  That person in the mirror needs your undivided kindness so you can see the depth of humanity in others.

My reflexion for the day!