We, as human beings, are innately attuned to appearances. It's hard not to make general assumptions based on what we see. It is our nature. How that information gets mulled over in the brain is the important part. For many, a judgment is made, with not much being "mulled over". This is where prejudges of all kinds live. There is no thought beyond the judgmental reaction. THIS is informing too many people's thoughts today.
I would surmise this is the most crucial of times to realize how this "sense" is helping or destroying us. My lens is unique in many ways, I'll stick to a few. Being a child of southern white teenage parents, and being male certain assumptions can be made. If you met me on the street your sense of sight would inform you to make these typical assumptions. Things that happened in my life, however, will not be available for you in this short meeting. There are things I still can't talk about.
By the age of six my mother was remarried to a Mexican American from California. My mother can be described best as an intellectual hippie who never found her way in the south. My conservative grandparents were raising me, yet my Mom and step-dad were in and out of my life. I spent many weekends and summers living with them and my younger twin sisters who were 1/2 Mexican, who never knew if they would have food to eat or whether their parents would drink what little money they had for food away.
My wife is 1/2 Vietnamese. Born in Saigon during the turbulence of the Vietnam War. My sister-in-law has 3 children who are 1/2 black, 1/4 Vietnamese, 1/4 American. We have a smorgasbord of a family. I lived the first half of my life in the south and moved North to stay in the second half, where I'm likely to remain. So who do you see? Do you see any of this reflected in my eyes?
I have mulled over this my entire life which has informed me to be who I am. I realize daily that this is not necessarily normal, but it's becoming more common. I remember not being taught Spanish in the house because assimilation was the norm. My step-dad didn't speak Spanish. I missed out, but mostly my sisters missed out on valuing their heritage. My step-father had issues that I now look back on and ask myself how his self esteem was crushed by a devaluing of who he was, then pile that onto my sisters. My twin sisters had a rough time of it, getting out of the poverty that my family left them to wallow in. I was lucky, I was white. What do you see? Do you see this family reflected in my eyes? Do you see the guilt I carry for them?
My wife was born in Vietnam during the war, her father an American. Her mother was married to a man previously, with whom she had 4 children, who was not good to her (let's leave it at that). I believe my mother-in-law sought a way out (what choices does a woman in a bad marriage with children have during a war that is ravaging your existence), but her "American" had pledged his love to another, got both of them pregnant and left for America. He later chose to return, for the other woman and his son, only to find her married to someone else. I guess he felt guilty enough to find my wife and her mother and bring them back to America with him. Once here, my wife's mother took her and ran away, which says a lot. My mother, apparently, tried many times to whisk me away from my grandparents. My wife doesn't even look Vietnamese. What do you see when you look at her? Do you see her reflected in my eyes?
My nephews are 1/2 black and beautiful boys. My little niece is gorgeous and 1/2 black. They are all black in appearance. What do you see when you look at them? Do you see them reflected in my eyes?
There is more in my life that I chose not to share yet, that informs my life. But, with this story you may get a picture of the lens for which I see through. I am very flawed and make horrible judgments, BUT I do try to remember my lens when I see you and wonder what will reflect back at me. Who do you see when you look at me? Who do you see when you look in the mirror? That person in the mirror needs your undivided kindness so you can see the depth of humanity in others.
My reflexion for the day!
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